The first time I met her there was an instant connection, my moon mom Holly (love you momma) introduced us and it was a moment in time, that would forever change the rest of my life. If you read my “How Did I Know” story you will remember that Barb played a pivotal roll in the discovery of my mediumship ability. To this day I still feel I met her for this very reason and hold her and Holly responsible for giving me the courage and confidence it took to come out of the “clairvoyant closet”.
From day one we would text off and on, nearly every day. Mainly about spirituality, deep life thoughts, philosophy, me coming out publicly with my ability (this was something she really wanted me to do) , basically any issue I ever had… and then one day, I could feel it. Something had changed in Barb.
I asked her point blank what was going on? At first she denied there was any problem at all. I was persistent and basically forced what I sensed out of her….She was getting a divorce. This shocked me, It literally felt like the air had been sucked out of me. WAIT.. WAIT, WHAT??? How did I NOT see this coming. Was I really that wrapped up in myself while talking to her that I didn’t pick up on this?
Getting a divorce doesn’t happen over night, there had to be some major issues leading up to this? Sleepless nights, stress, anxiety, tears..where was I for all of this? “Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked her. She said, she just wanted to respect her partners privacy and wanted to be absolutely sure before she told anyone. Mmmm ok I get that, I really do. I am a VERY private person. VERY. HOWEVER, I know that a divorce is a MAJOR thing! I mean totally and completely life changing! And I was over here every, damn, day, going on and on about myself!? I felt terrible. Hind sight 20/20 I think I knew. It had come to my mind but was quickly shut down because there were no signs! The woman who held it all together for everyone else, who gave the BEST relationship advice ever?!??
I remember telling Holly, “if they can’t make it work, there’s no hope for the rest of us?!”. Aaaaaa, THIS was the very first lesson in “life coaching” that I took from her. It’s a lesson we could all stand to learn. There’s a fine line between venting your entire personal life on social media, and just allowing those you talk to on a daily basis to know how you feel, what your going through emotionally. Really, isn’t that what friends and family are for. Let them help you carry some, JUST SOME of the emotional burden. Vent, allow them to relieve some of the stress and anxiety you are going through and KNOW that their issues are safe with you, that they can count on you to uphold their privacy. To me that is one of the most important and beautiful parts of a friendship. She had been that person for me, and I wanted to be that person for her.
From that day forward I made it a point to talk to Barb. Give her my attention, do readings for her when she needed them. Remind her how strong she was and help guide her towards a better more productive life without her partner. I had predicted many things she told me would never happen, slowly each and everything I told her happened, and as they did, she wanted to know more about her future. Some days felt like I was helping tremendously others felt as if I was too honest. I have a problem with that, I’m a Gemini after all.
On Mother’s Day 2017 I sent her a text wishing her a Happy Mother’s Day, I remember that moment like it was yesterday, there was just something about that moment in time and that text that had a feeling of importance, talking to her at that time was different. She responded “happy Mother’s Day to you too lady” followed by a request for an in person reading. She said, I need answers and I’m willing to drive to you (She lived three hours from me) I said absolutely, I’m driving at the moment, and told her I would get back to her with a good date when I got back home to my schedule. By the time I had got home hours later I forget. Monday passed. I forgot.
Tuesday night at about 7 pm I was outside finishing up some landscaping around a bench I had bought to put in our front yard, when suddenly I got this STRONG pull to text Barb. Now, usually I would’ve just finished what I was doing, but when I remembered I completely forgot to message her back with a date- coupled with this urge to get ahold of her- I dropped my shovel, took off my gloves, walked back in the house and sent a text that said “hey Lady sooo sorry I forgot to text you a date, you’re the one driving up here from 3 hours away you tell me what works for you and I will make it happen!” I set my phone down, put my gloves back on, and went back outside to finish what I was doing as it was getting too dark to work much longer.
I assumed she would text me back while I was outside, and I would respond when I got done out there. She’s known for responding to texts very quickly ( st least she was to me, I always loved that). I came back in and checked my phone…nothing. About 10 pm I sent a text asking if my late and thoughtless response had upset her (after all it did take me days to get back to her) I never got a response.
The Next day Holly called, she said, “are you sitting down”… “I said “yes”. She said, “Barb was found dead in her bed this morning” time stood still, for a split second I couldn’t even comprehend what she had just said. I then began to scream, and curse, and blame people, including myself. I was so angry. I SAW this coming, but it was months ago and I didnt really believe it, just like I didn’t really believe the divorce.
I misjudged her. I knew better! I vowed to never read another person again, I cancelled my appointmens for the next two months. What good am I as an Intuitive if I can’t save someone this close to me? I know what your thinking right now. Well, if your a medium just talk to her! Right?! If you have ever had a session with a medium (I really dislike using the word “reading” I’m not “reading” anything or anyone while I’m connecting with spirit) you know its just not the same, but… it’s as close as you can get and there’s nothing more special than when someone from the other side pays you a visit…it wasn’t long before Barb paid me a visit.
I remember wanting to yell at her, ask questions regarding what happened, try to get something from her, to wrap my mind around what didn’t make any sense. And then it made perfect sense. The difference in how I felt when talking to her. Her messages were just as effective from the other side as they were while she was here. Just as helpful, and kind and sweet as always. But here’s what was different about talking to Barb this time- she was HAPPY, she was calm, and peaceful, she was content and full of love. She stuck with me and encouraged me to stick with it. She nudged me almost daily until I started rescheduling the appointments I had cancelled. SHe would say thing s like”Britney, this had nothing t do with you!” And “stop feeling sorry for youself, get up!”
I feel like I was blocked from seeing her before this happened. Seriously, becasue should I have seen her and then she passed I would have forever wondered if It was something I told her during her reading. I think those two days in between were days of protection, and I think she did that. And I THANK HER for that.
Barb is with me every day. As I sit here typing this story in a little Coffee shop, the song “Live Like You Were Dying” is playing by Tim McGraw. I’m no country fan, but the message is coming in loud and clear Barb. I get It. I wish I could have saved you, not a day goes by that I dont think about you. To this day you can drive by my house and see the bench in my front yard that I was working on when I felt like she needed me, when I’m almost sure she left this world. We call it Barbs Bench. A little piece of Barb goes into every bit of my work….